TAVEAU CREATIVE LEADERSHIP
MINISTRY AI AND I
Part 1 AVOID CONTROLLERS
DYNAMICS OF YOUR AREA RELATIONSHIP RESPECT
“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
Romans 12:18
New Spin on Christian Marriage “Till death do us part”
Dr T on behalf of Cross Body Unity move and this below says”
“If they’re killing you (your kid) from the INSIDE to the OUTSIDE
OR the OUTSIDE to the INSIDE:
GET OUT!“**
**That does not mean you will automatically get a divorce.
PS Same with youth, parent, a step parent, grandparent Sincerely Dr T
(C)2025 Taveau D’Arcy All copyrights reserved under international copyright laws
“I am for peace: but when I speak, they are for war.”
Psalm 120:7
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted
forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:32
“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord:
though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;
though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
Isaiah 1:18
This will be a detailed look at how Psalm 120:7, Ephesians 4:32, and Isaiah 1:18 relate to challenging relationships where power struggles, emotional tension, and manipulation create disharmony.
1. It takes “relationships” of 2 or 3 or more
Psalm 120:7 – “I am for peace: but when I speak, they are for war.”
This verse reflects the frustration of trying to maintain peace in the face of others who intentionally oppose or manipulate. It captures the emotional toll when one person’s efforts for harmony clash with another’s desire for conflict or control.
Example in a Spouse and Mate, Mother and Son Relationship, Family Member, Fellowship Member
Supreme Example: Imagine a mother who consistently seeks to foster peace and understanding with her son. She may patiently listen to him, offering advice, guidance, and compassion. However, the son, whether due to immaturity, unresolved anger, or a sense of entitlement, constantly resists these efforts. Each time the mother speaks, instead of a respectful dialogue, he responds with hostility, stubbornness, or passive-aggressiveness. No matter how much she strives for peace, the son’s actions create ongoing emotional tension, refusing to let peace take root.
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Relational Disharmony: The mother’s genuine desire for peace is met with emotional warfare, where communication becomes strained and unproductive. Her efforts to connect only exacerbate the discord.
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Psalm 120:7 in Action: She is left feeling like an unwilling participant in a battle, despite her peaceable intentions. This dynamic mirrors the verse, where one person seeks peace, but the other is entrenched in conflict.
2. This requires ‘relationships” of at least 2 or 3 or many more
Ephesians 4:32 – “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:32 speaks to the importance of kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness in relationships. It is a call to build emotional bridges and seek reconciliation, mirroring the way God forgives us. However, this attitude can be hard to maintain in the face of control and manipulation, especially when kindness is used as a vulnerability to be exploited.
Example in a Parent-Child Relationship:
A father, striving to live out Ephesians 4:32, remains kind and tenderhearted toward his teenage daughter, even when she acts out or rejects his guidance. He attempts to model forgiveness by letting go of minor offenses, choosing to nurture rather than rebuke.
However, the daughter may manipulate his kindness to get what she wants—perhaps by using guilt, accusation or emotional withdrawal when things don’t go her way. She might play the victim, using her father’s tenderness to control the situation and to avoid accountability.
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Relational Disharmony: The father’s efforts to be kind and forgiving lead to no lasting emotional connection or resolution. Instead, his kindness is used against him, turning the relationship into one of manipulation.
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Ephesians 4:32 in Action: This is an example of where the genuine effort to foster love and forgiveness can be met with manipulation. It becomes challenging to apply Ephesians 4:32 when the other party uses forgiveness as a tool to maintain control or deflect responsibility.
3. This speaks of ONE in relationship with ANOTHER (or 2 -3 or more)
Isaiah 1:18 – “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
Isaiah 1:18 invites reconciliation through reasoning and understanding. God calls His people to engage in open dialogue, admit faults, and seek transformation. However, in a manipulative relationship, one person may not be open to this reasoning, refusing to engage in honest dialogue and instead retreating into defensiveness or control.
Example in a Spousal Relationship:
Consider a husband and wife trying to work through an ongoing disagreement. The wife, seeking to “reason together,” approaches her husband with humility and a willingness to acknowledge where she may have been wrong.
She invites him to have an open conversation about their issues, aiming for mutual understanding and resolution. Instead of engaging in this honest conversation, the husband deflects, accusing her of being overly sensitive or even manipulating the situation to make her feel guilty. He might refuse to acknowledge his own role in the conflict, unwilling to come to the table for genuine reconciliation.
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Relational Disharmony: The wife’s sincere offer of reconciliation is met with resistance, defensiveness, or emotional games. She feels unheard, and instead of moving toward resolution, the relationship becomes stuck in unhealthy patterns of communication.
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Isaiah 1:18 in Action: The invitation to “reason together” is a reflection of God’s desire for relational healing, but in this case, the husband refuses the opportunity for reasoning, choosing instead to withdraw or maintain a defensive posture. This leads to ongoing conflict and frustration, where peace cannot be attained without both parties engaging in honest dialogue.
Disturbing Carnal Fruit: Power Struggles and Manipulation
In these examples, power struggles often arise in situations where one person is trying to control the relationship through manipulation, emotional games, or avoidance. They may use silence, guilt, or passive-aggressive behavior to maintain dominance, instead of working through issues directly.
This kind of behavior not only disrupts the peace but also keeps the relationship in a state of emotional tension and unresolved conflict.
Here’s a more detailed look at how Psalm 120:7, Ephesians 4:32, and Isaiah 1:18 relate to challenging relationships where power struggles, emotional tension, and manipulation create disharmony.
Ephesians 4:32 – “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:32 speaks to the importance of kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness in relationships. It is a call to build emotional bridges and seek reconciliation, mirroring the way God forgives us. However, this attitude can be hard to maintain in the face of control and manipulation, especially when kindness is used as a vulnerability to be exploited.
Example in a Parent-Child Relationship:
A father, striving to live out Ephesians 4:32, remains kind and tenderhearted toward his teenage daughter, even when she acts out or rejects his guidance. He attempts to model forgiveness by letting go of minor offenses, choosing to nurture rather than rebuke.
However, the daughter may manipulate his kindness to get what she wants—perhaps by using guilt, accusation, distancing,cutting ( emotional withdrawal) when things don’t go her way.
She might play the victim, using her father’s tenderness to control the situation and to avoid accountability.
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Relational Disharmony: The father’s efforts to be kind and forgiving lead to no lasting emotional connection or resolution. Instead, his kindness is used against him, turning the relationship into one of manipulation.
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Ephesians 4:32 in Action: This is an example of where the genuine effort to foster love and forgiveness can be met with manipulation. It becomes challenging to apply Ephesians 4:32 when the other party uses forgiveness as a tool to maintain control or deflect responsibility.
Isaiah 1:18 – “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
Isaiah 1:18 invites reconciliation through reasoning and understanding. God calls His people to engage in open dialogue, admit faults, and seek transformation. However, in a manipulative relationship, one person may not be open to this reasoning, refusing to engage in honest dialogue and instead retreating into defensiveness or control.
Example in a New Spousal Relationship:
Consider a new husband and wife trying to work through an ongoing disagreement. The wife, seeking to “reason together,” approaches her husband with humility and a willingness to acknowledge where she may have been wrong. She invites him to have an open conversation about their issues, aiming for mutual understanding and resolution. Instead of engaging in this honest conversation, the husband deflects, accusing her of being overly sensitive or even manipulating the situation to make her feel guilty.
He might refuse to acknowledge his own role in the conflict, unwilling to come to the table for genuine reconciliation.
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Relational Disharmony: The wife’s sincere offer of reconciliation is met with resistance, defensiveness, or emotional games. She feels unheard, and instead of moving toward resolution, the relationship becomes stuck in unhealthy patterns of communication.
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Isaiah 1:18 in Action: The invitation to “reason together” is a reflection of God’s desire for relational healing, but in this case, the husband refuses the opportunity for reasoning, choosing instead to withdraw or maintain a defensive posture.
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This leads to ongoing conflict and frustration, where peace cannot be attained without both parties engaging in honest dialogue.
Power Struggles and Manipulation
In these examples, power struggles often arise in situations where one person is trying to control the relationship through manipulation, emotional games, or avoidance.
They may use silence, guilt, or passive-aggressive behavior to maintain dominance, instead of working through issues directly. This kind of behavior not only disrupts the peace but also keeps the relationship in a state of emotional tension and unresolved conflict.
What to Do?
1. Model Peace and Kindness: Like the mother, father, or spouse trying to model peace and forgiveness, continue to approach relationships with kindness (Ephesians 4:32). However, set boundaries to prevent manipulation and control from taking hold.
2. Take up your cross for they may refuse to negotiate, even temper tantrum retaliate (or in these days, violence)
3. Try to Engage in Open Dialogue: Isaiah 1:18 calls for reasoning together, which is a crucial part of healthy relationships. If one person continually refuses to engage, it’s essential to recognize when the conversation becomes unhealthy and to set limits on further attempts to “reason.”
4. Stand Firm in Your Boundaries: Psalm 120:7 reminds us that some people may refuse peace no matter how hard we try. In such cases, it is necessary to protect your emotional well-being, not by giving in to control, but by standing firm in truth and boundaries.
5. Seek External Support: In cases where emotional manipulation or control is severe, it’s often beneficial to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor, pastor, or trusted advisor, who can help mediate difficult conversations and restore healthy communication patterns.
When people are unwilling to engage in respectful dialogue or reconciliation as described in Isaiah 1:18, Ephesians 4:32, and Psalm 120:7 (“I am for peace: but when I speak, they are for war.”), they may resort to manipulative behaviors and mind games to avoid accountability, maintain control, or protect their image. Here are some common tactics:
1. Avoidance and Deflection (Isaiah 1:18)
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Silent Treatment: Instead of reasoning together, a person may withdraw communication entirely to punish the other party or control the situation.
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Stonewalling: They may refuse to engage in a conversation, pretending the problem doesn’t exist.
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Blame Shifting: When confronted, they turn the accusation back on the other person, avoiding their own responsibility.
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Minimizing: They may say, “It’s not that big of a deal,” to dismiss the other person’s feelings.
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Spiritual Manipulation: In Christian circles, someone might misuse scripture to justify their avoidance, claiming “God told me to distance myself.”
++This is the RELATIONSHIP RESPECT TEST:
God invites us to reason, not to dismiss or ignore. A mature response is to express a willingness to understand and resolve the conflict rather than running from it
2. Manipulation and Control (Ephesians 4:32)
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Guilt Tripping: Instead of forgiving as Ephesians 4:32 encourages (“Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another”), they might manipulate by saying things like, “After all I’ve done for you, how could you accuse me?”
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Gaslighting: They deny facts or distort reality to make the other person question their memory or feelings.
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Playing the Victim: They avoid accountability by exaggerating their own suffering while disregarding the other person’s pain.
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Using Conditional Forgiveness: They might say, “I’ll forgive you if you apologize exactly the way I want,” weaponizing forgiveness rather than giving it freely.
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Fake Reconciliation: They pretend to forgive and move on but continue to hold resentment, waiting for an opportunity to retaliate.
++THIS IS THE RELATIONSHIP RESPECT TEST:
True forgiveness seeks restoration, not further control. Modeling Ephesians 4:32 requires humility and a genuine desire to heal the relationship
3. Escalation and Aggression (Psalm 120:7)
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False Accusations: Like Psalm 120 describes, when one person seeks peace, another may stir conflict through accusations or gossip.
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Character Assassination: They may smear the other person’s reputation, ensuring others side with them.
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Passive-Aggressiveness: Rather than confronting issues directly, they use sarcasm, backhanded comments, or subtle jabs.
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Triangulation: They involve third parties to manipulate opinions, creating further division.
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Retaliatory Behavior: If the peace-seeker tries to make amends, the other person may escalate the conflict by responding with heightened anger or cutting off the relationship entirely.
++THIS IS THE RELATIONSHIP RESPECT TEST:
In these situations, it’s wise to set boundaries while continuing to act with integrity. Seeking support from trusted individuals can provide perspective and guidance
Addressing the Mind Games with Biblical Wisdom
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Stay Rooted in Truth: Be clear about what actually happened. Mind games often distort reality, but God calls us to walk in truth (John 8:32).
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Maintain Boundaries: Healthy boundaries protect you from further manipulation while leaving the door open for reconciliation if genuine repentance occurs.
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Respond, Don’t React: Take time to pray and reflect before responding. Reacting in anger often fuels further conflict.
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Pray for the Hard-Hearted: Like Jesus did, pray for those who are unwilling to make peace. Spiritual transformation is God’s work (Luke 23:34).
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Seek Wise Counsel: Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Having mentors or counselors can offer valuable guidance.
Ultimately, God’s invitation to reason, forgive, and seek peace remains. Even if the other party is unwilling, you can maintain your peace and act with Christ-like character.
As Romans 12:18 says, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
Deciphering Power Plays, Dynamics of Emotional Abuse
In relationships, especially those where there is a power struggle, there are often individuals who refuse to engage in open, face-to-face communication.
They may hide behind text messages, emails, or indirect forms of communication, using these mediums to assert control without confronting the issue head-on. This tactic is often rooted in a desire to avoid accountability, manipulate the other person’s emotions, and avoid the vulnerability required for true resolution.
Let’s explore these dynamics more deeply.
People Who Will Not Relate: Refusing to Engage
In these contexts, individuals in power struggles intentionally avoid direct communication. They refuse to meet face-to-face or even engage in video chats. Instead, they hide behind texts or written messages. Why is this so common in manipulative or controlling relationships?
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Fear of Vulnerability: Direct conversation, especially face-to-face or over video, exposes their behavior and emotions. They prefer written communication because it allows them to control the interaction, dictate the narrative, and avoid being confronted in real-time.
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Avoiding Accountability: Engaging directly requires taking responsibility for one’s actions, listening to the other person’s feelings, and potentially apologizing. For people stuck in power struggles, this is anathema. By texting or emailing, they can control the narrative, avoid confrontation, and never directly face the consequences of their actions.
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Manipulation and Control: These individuals often use indirect communication as a form of emotional manipulation. They might twist the situation to make the other person feel guilty or wrong, or they use these communications to assert dominance without ever actually resolving anything. The message is all about their needs, their hurt, and their grievances. The victim is left feeling unheard, invalidated, and emotionally drained.
Example in a Power Struggle Context:
Imagine a business partner or a friend who refuses to meet in person or even video chat when issues arise. When they have a problem, they only text or email, and the message is framed in such a way that it focuses solely on their feelings or demands.
The other party is left to try to decipher the underlying tone of the message, but there’s no true resolution, just a power play. It’s emotionally draining because the person has essentially cut off open communication, and their silence or written words are designed to manipulate the other person’s feelings.
In this dynamic, the person is avoiding conflict resolution through healthy, face-to-face communication, which means there is no true emotional intimacy or growth in the relationship. They may rely on passive-aggressive tactics, like withholding affection or using guilt to get their way.
Refusing To Relate
When someone intentionally hurts another person through control, manipulation, or by withholding connection, it often stems from underlying emotional and psychological factors. Understanding the motives behind this behavior can offer clarity and help in navigating these difficult relationships.
1. Emotional Immaturity
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Some individuals lack the emotional intelligence necessary to navigate conflict in a healthy way. Rather than addressing issues directly, they resort to control or withdrawal as a defense mechanism.
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Emotional immaturity often stems from unresolved childhood experiences, poor role models, or environments where emotional regulation wasn’t taught.
2. Fear of Vulnerability
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For many, control serves as a shield against vulnerability. Opening up emotionally can feel threatening, so they maintain power by distancing themselves or manipulating others.
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They may fear rejection or judgment, leading them to avoid genuine emotional connections.
3. Self-Centeredness and Narcissistic Traits
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Some individuals prioritize their own desires and perceptions above others. This doesn’t always mean they have a diagnosable narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but they may exhibit traits like entitlement, lack of empathy, and a need for admiration.
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Controlling others gives them a sense of superiority and reassurance.
4. Unresolved Trauma or Pain
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People who have experienced past trauma may control others to prevent further emotional pain. They might believe that by maintaining power, they can avoid being hurt again.
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Additionally, unresolved resentment or bitterness can lead them to lash out or seek to dominate as a form of misplaced self-protection.
5. Avoidance of Accountability
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Control and manipulation often allow individuals to evade accountability for their actions. Instead of acknowledging mistakes, they blame others, play the victim, or create confusion to maintain the upper hand.
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This behavior prevents growth and relational repair.
6. Fear of Loss or Rejection
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Some use manipulation as a way to prevent perceived abandonment. They may create dependency in others to feel secure, using guilt or silent treatment to maintain control.
7. Insecurity and Low Self-Worth, Ignorant, Raised Rough
**(Seems no Vocabulary, as they were not allow to express due to dysfunctional, immature upbringing)
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**People who feel inadequate may try to overpower others to compensate for their internal sense of weakness. By diminishing others, they mask their own insecurities.
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This can be especially prevalent in relationships where they perceive the other person as more emotionally capable.
8. Power and Control as a Coping Mechanism
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In some cases, controlling behavior is learned through observing dominant or abusive relationships. They may mistakenly believe that power is the only way to maintain respect or stability.
What Do They Gain From It?
Who fully knows..yet we will try to determine
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Validation: They may feel powerful and important by asserting control.
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Emotional Relief: Causing distress in others can temporarily distract from their own unresolved pain.
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Avoidance of Responsibility: They avoid facing their own flaws by projecting issues onto others.
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False Sense of Security: Controlling others gives them the illusion of preventing further harm or loss.
How to Navigate Such Behavior
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Set Boundaries: Establish clear, firm boundaries and stick to them.
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Stay Grounded in Truth: Recognize manipulation tactics for what they are and avoid reacting emotionally.
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Seek Support: Surround yourself with trustworthy individuals who can provide perspective and encouragement.
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Practice Emotional Detachment: While maintaining compassion, don’t allow their behavior to dictate your sense of self-worth.
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Pray and Reflect: As emphasized in Galatians 6:1, approach difficult people with a spirit of meekness while guarding your own heart.
Ultimately, these behaviors are a reflection of the individual’s unresolved inner conflict. While it’s important to hold them accountable, it’s equally essential to protect your own peace.
The Silent Treatment: A Power Play
The silent treatment is a classic manipulation tactic.
In relationships, especially where one person has a controlling personality, giving the silent treatment can be a tool to manipulate the other person into submitting to their will.
By withdrawing emotionally and refusing to engage, the person who withholds communication aims to force the other person into submission. It’s a cruel method of control that creates emotional tension and stress, as the one on the receiving end is left wondering why they’re being ignored and feeling guilty or uncertain.
The Silent Treatment in a Husband-Wife Dynamic:
In a marriage, a controlling husband might resort to the silent treatment whenever there is a disagreement, an unmet need, or when he wants to assert control over his wife. This may happen after he feels that his will or expectations were not met, so he gives the silent treatment to emotionally wear her down. Over time, this creates a toxic pattern where the wife feels the weight of silence and the emotional strain of trying to figure out what went wrong.
She might even feel like she has to apologize or adjust her behavior to break the silence, thus giving him the control he desires.
This behavior often comes from family patterns—it could be something that was modeled to him by his father, who used the silent treatment to manipulate or control. The cycle continues through generations, where the son picks up on this emotional manipulation, continuing the toxic pattern.
The emotional toll of this repeated pattern in the family can be damaging, as the wife and children are left feeling powerless and neglected, unable to change the behavior without being drawn into the cycle of manipulation.
Destructive Impact:
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Emotional Damage: Over time, the silent treatment erodes trust, intimacy, and mutual respect. The person on the receiving end feels increasingly isolated, anxious, and unsure of how to resolve the situation, leading to further emotional damage. It creates a rift in the relationship that becomes harder to repair with each cycle.
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Silent Control: The goal of the silent treatment is often not just to create emotional distance but to assert dominance, control, and power. The one giving the silent treatment holds all the power, forcing the other person to guess, beg, or change their behavior to break the silence.
The Silent Treatment Across Generations:
This pattern of emotional withdrawal and manipulation can often be passed down from one generation to the next. If a father used this tactic to control his spouse or children, the son may unconsciously learn to use the same behavior to assert control in his relationships. This creates a cycle of dysfunction, where the silent treatment becomes the primary means of handling conflict.
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Father to Son: A father who never learned healthy communication may use silence to avoid confrontation or to manipulate others. His son, observing this pattern, may internalize it and repeat it in his own marriage or relationships.
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Impact on the Next Generation: As this cycle repeats, it leaves a legacy of unresolved conflicts and emotional damage. The emotional walls that the father builds between himself and others are passed on, and the children or spouse feel the devastating effects.
Why Is This Behavior Destructive?
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Lack of Connection: The silent treatment creates a chasm between people. It cuts off the possibility of meaningful dialogue, problem-solving, and intimacy. The person on the receiving end is left feeling disconnected, confused, and unsure of what’s happening in the relationship.
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Emotional Abuse: Though the person giving the silent treatment may not intend to be abusive, it is a form of emotional manipulation. The victim of the silent treatment becomes emotionally exhausted, walking on eggshells, and constantly trying to “fix” the problem without understanding what went wrong.
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Toxic Control: The person giving the silent treatment is often controlling the narrative of the relationship. The other person is made to feel that they have to bend to the manipulator’s will in order to regain normalcy and affection. This fosters a toxic dynamic, where one person feels they have to continually “earn” the right to be heard or loved.
What Can Be Done?
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Direct Communication: In relationships where the silent treatment or indirect communication dominates, it’s important to confront the issue directly—whether that means setting boundaries, requesting a face-to-face conversation, or calling out the manipulative behavior in a calm, but firm manner.
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Seek Counseling or Mediation: In cases where the silent treatment has become entrenched, it might require the help of a third-party mediator, such as a counselor or therapist, to break the cycle and teach healthy communication techniques.
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Set Boundaries: In a situation where silent treatment or manipulation is ongoing, setting firm emotional boundaries is essential. Letting the person know that you will not engage in indirect or emotionally abusive behavior sets the tone for healthier interaction.
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Healing Generational Patterns: If this behavior is generational, breaking the cycle requires self-awareness, accountability, and intentional effort. It’s vital to confront the behaviors, understand where they come from, and actively choose healthier relational practices.
Conclusion
The silent treatment and refusal to engage face-to-face are powerful tools of manipulation and control. These behaviors are often rooted in fear of vulnerability, a lack of emotional maturity, or a desire for dominance in a relationship.
They create emotional distance, erode trust, and perpetuate cycles of dysfunction that can last across generations. But by understanding these dynamics and applying healthy boundaries, direct communication, and emotional self-care, it’s possible to heal and transform these destructive relational patterns.
Applying Isaiah 1:18 to Relationships
Isaiah 1:18 – “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
In personal, family, business, ministry, or leadership settings, this verse can guide us in fostering healthier interactions. Here’s how it applies:
1. Invitation to Open Dialogue
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Just as God invites His people to reason with Him, mature relationships are built on open, honest, and respectful communication.
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Leaders, parents, and partners can model this by encouraging conversations that seek to understand both sides without fear of judgment or retaliation.
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Example: A parent facing conflict with a teenager can invite discussion instead of issuing harsh commands. Saying, “Let’s talk about this — I want to understand how you’re feeling,” opens the door for connection.
2. Willingness to Listen and Understand
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Reasoning together requires both parties to listen attentively. Active listening demonstrates care and respect.
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Leaders who listen to their employees, and parents who listen to their children, mirror God’s character.
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Example: A business owner facing employee dissatisfaction can say, “Help me understand what’s been difficult for you at work. Let’s see how we can make improvements together.”
3. Addressing Wrongdoing Without Condemnation
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God acknowledges sin but offers cleansing and renewal. In relationships, acknowledging hurt without attacking the other person allows for reconciliation.
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Example: In a marriage, instead of saying, “You always disrespect me,” one could say, “I felt hurt when you spoke to me like that. Can we talk about what happened?”
4. Promoting Accountability and Growth
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While God offers forgiveness, He also desires genuine change. Similarly, mature relationships involve accountability without holding past mistakes over someone’s head.
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Example: A leader mentoring a struggling team member could say, “I see where things went wrong, but I believe in your potential. Let’s work together to find a better way forward.”
5. Choosing Reconciliation Over Division
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Isaiah 1:18 reflects God’s heart for reconciliation. Likewise, choosing to pursue peace instead of escalating conflict builds stronger relationships.
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Example: In a family dispute, one person may say, “I value our relationship more than being right. How can we meet in the middle?”
Modeling Isaiah 1:18 in Real Life
Here are practical ways to embody this principle:
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In Family: When a child makes a mistake, model grace by addressing the behavior without shaming. Encourage them to reflect and grow.
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In Business: Practice servant leadership by valuing your employees’ input. Create an environment where concerns can be raised without fear.
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In Ministry: Foster a community of mutual respect. If conflict arises, approach it with humility, seeking unity rather than control.
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In Friendships: Avoid gossip and passive-aggressiveness. Instead, have face-to-face conversations to resolve misunderstandings.
Final Encouragement
Living out Isaiah 1:18 means choosing dialogue over avoidance, understanding over judgment, and reconciliation over resentment. By modeling God’s approach — patient, respectful, and solution-oriented — we create relationships that reflect His heart of love and grace.
Training on Responding to Controllers
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Seek God’s Wisdom
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Just as Isaiah 1:18 calls for reasoning together, ask God for discernment on how to handle difficult individuals.
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Set Boundaries
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Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional and spiritual health. Firm, respectful communication is key.
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Recognize Manipulation
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Be aware of tactics used to manipulate your emotions or decisions. Choose not to engage in the emotional games they present.
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Choose Peace
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Psalm 120:7 says, “I am for peace: but when I speak, they are for war.” Stand your ground in peace, even when others choose conflict.
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Forgive, but Don’t Tolerate Abuse
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Forgiveness is not the same as tolerating ongoing mistreatment. It’s possible to forgive while maintaining necessary boundaries.
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Stay True to Your Values
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Regardless of the other person’s behavior, continue to reflect the character of Christ. Be steadfast, choosing respect and dignity.
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Dr T says:
In the world we live in today, relationships can often be fraught with power struggles, manipulation, and emotional challenges. In this training manual, we will explore the dynamics of such struggles and how we can address them through biblical wisdom, humility, and self-awareness. Whether it’s a parent-child relationship, a difficult spouse, or challenging situations at work, we will examine how pride, control, and manipulation play into these dynamics—and how we can break free from these harmful cycles.
I Am for Peace, But They Are for War: Understanding Control and Relational Struggles
Psalm 120:7 says, “I am for peace: but when I speak, they are for war.” This verse captures the emotional pain and confusion that often arises when a person seeks peace, reconciliation, and genuine understanding, but is met with resistance, hostility, or manipulation. For those who live with integrity, desiring respectful dialogue and sincere relationships, encountering individuals who respond with control or aggression can be deeply disheartening.
In Psalm 120:7, the psalmist expresses a deep longing for peace while facing opposition:
“I am for peace: but when I speak, they are for war.”
This verse describes the heartache of dealing with someone who rejects peaceful resolution. In the context of a controlling, abusive, or manipulative person, the kind and forgiving individual often desires reconciliation, understanding, and emotional connection. Yet, when the other person responds with violence, silent treatment, avoidance, or orchestrated control, it creates a relational battlefield.
What the Kind, Forgiving Person Wants to Do
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Seek Peace and Reconciliation
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The person who values peace often desires to work through conflicts maturely, have open conversations, and find a solution that honors both parties.
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They may be willing to own their mistakes, apologize, and forgive, hoping for mutual understanding.
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Establish Honest Communication
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They want to engage in dialogue, express their feelings, and listen to the other person’s perspective. Honest conversations are seen as a way to clear up misunderstandings and restore connection.
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Offer Forgiveness
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Even when deeply hurt, they may choose to forgive, understanding that holding onto bitterness only harms themselves.
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Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing the behavior but releasing resentment and refusing to retaliate.
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Set Healthy Boundaries
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While they seek peace, they also understand that it’s not their responsibility to tolerate continuous mistreatment. Healthy boundaries can protect their well-being without resorting to vengeance.
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Proverbs 22:24-25 warns, “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.”
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Pray and Trust God
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They may turn to prayer, asking God for guidance, strength, and wisdom. When facing a hard-hearted person, they entrust the situation to God, knowing He alone can change hearts.
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Romans 12:19 says, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”
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When the Other Person Responds with Control or Abuse
If the other person refuses reconciliation and continues to manipulate, avoid, or use abusive tactics, it’s essential to respond wisely.
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Recognize the Reality
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Understand that some people are unwilling to resolve conflicts because they thrive on control, dominance, or maintaining a false sense of superiority.
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Accepting this reality can prevent you from remaining trapped in an unhealthy cycle of trying to “fix” the relationship alone.
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Stop Chasing Peace Where It Is Not Welcome
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While it’s godly to pursue peace, peace cannot be forced. If the other person remains hostile or unrepentant, stepping back may be necessary.
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Matthew 10:14 says, “And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.”
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Break Free from Manipulation
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Abusers often use tactics like silent treatment, guilt, or emotional withdrawal to maintain power. Recognizing these behaviors and refusing to engage in their emotional manipulation is a form of self-protection.
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2 Timothy 3:5 warns of those who have “a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.”
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Prioritize Safety
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If the situation escalates to physical or severe emotional abuse, seeking safety is essential. This may involve creating distance, seeking counseling, or involving trusted authorities.
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The Bible does not endorse enduring abuse. Jesus Himself avoided violent situations at times (John 8:59).
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Continue to Choose Peace Within Yourself
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Even if the other person rejects reconciliation, you can maintain inner peace by refusing to harbor bitterness.
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Philippians 4:7 promises, “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
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Final Encouragement
Psalm 120 reminds us that seeking peace is honorable, even when others choose conflict. God sees your efforts and knows the pain of rejection. As you navigate these challenges, continue seeking His guidance and wisdom. His peace, unlike worldly peace, is steady and unshakable.
Pursuing Respect and Reconciliation to Relationships
In personal, family, business, ministry, or leadership settings, this verse can guide us in fostering healthier interactions. Here’s how it applies:
1. Invitation to Open Dialogue
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Just as God invites His people to reason with Him, mature relationships are built on open, honest, and respectful communication.
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Leaders, parents, and partners can model this by encouraging conversations that seek to understand both sides without fear of judgment or retaliation.
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Example: A parent facing conflict with a teenager can invite discussion instead of issuing harsh commands. Saying, “Let’s talk about this — I want to understand how you’re feeling,” opens the door for connection.
2. Willingness to Listen and Understand
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Reasoning together requires both parties to listen attentively. Active listening demonstrates care and respect.
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Leaders who listen to their employees, and parents who listen to their children, mirror God’s character.
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Example: A business owner facing employee dissatisfaction can say, “Help me understand what’s been difficult for you at work. Let’s see how we can make improvements together.”
3. Addressing Wrongdoing Without Condemnation
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God acknowledges sin but offers cleansing and renewal. In relationships, acknowledging hurt without attacking the other person allows for reconciliation.
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Example: In a marriage, instead of saying, “You always disrespect me,” one could say, “I felt hurt when you spoke to me like that. Can we talk about what happened?”
4. Promoting Accountability and Growth
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While God offers forgiveness, He also desires genuine change. Similarly, mature relationships involve accountability without holding past mistakes over someone’s head.
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Example: A leader mentoring a struggling team member could say, “I see where things went wrong, but I believe in your potential. Let’s work together to find a better way forward.”
5. Choosing Reconciliation Over Division
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Isaiah 1:18 reflects God’s heart for reconciliation. Likewise, choosing to pursue peace instead of escalating conflict builds stronger relationships.
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Example: In a family dispute, one person may say, “I value our relationship more than being right. How can we meet in the middle?”
Modeling Isaiah 1:18 in Real Life
Here are practical ways to embody this principle:
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In Family: When a child makes a mistake, model grace by addressing the behavior without shaming. Encourage them to reflect and grow.
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In Business: Practice servant leadership by valuing your employees’ input. Create an environment where concerns can be raised without fear.
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In Ministry: Foster a community of mutual respect. If conflict arises, approach it with humility, seeking unity rather than control.
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In Friendships: Avoid gossip and passive-aggressiveness. Instead, have face-to-face conversations to resolve misunderstandings.
Living out Isaiah 1:18 means choosing dialogue over avoidance, understanding over judgment, and reconciliation over resentment. By modeling God’s approach — patient, respectful, and solution-oriented — we create relationships that reflect His heart of love and grace.
Ephesians 4:32 — The Call to Kindness and Forgiveness
Ephesians 4:32 says:
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Explanation
This verse emphasizes kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. It calls believers to mirror God’s forgiveness, which is undeserved yet freely given through Christ. The focus is on maintaining loving and respectful relationships rather than engaging in bitterness or retaliation.
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Kindness involves treating others with dignity, even when it’s difficult.
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Tenderheartedness reflects genuine empathy and understanding.
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Forgiveness means releasing resentment, not allowing bitterness to take root.
These qualities stand in stark contrast to manipulative and controlling behavior.
++Comparison to Manipulation and Power Struggles
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Power Struggles vs. Humility
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Manipulative individuals often engage in dominance, using power plays to control others. Ephesians 4:32 teaches humility and kindness, encouraging believers to lay down the desire to “win” at all costs.
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Emotional Manipulation vs. Genuine Compassion
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While controllers manipulate emotions for personal gain, a tenderhearted person offers empathy. They seek to understand rather than exploit vulnerabilities.
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Face-Saving vs. Authenticity
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Many manipulators are consumed by image management and fear exposure. In contrast, those who follow Ephesians 4:32 value honesty and transparency, accepting personal responsibility rather than deflecting blame.
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Withholding Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation
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A manipulative person may withhold forgiveness to maintain control. Ephesians 4:32, however, encourages believers to forgive sincerely, reflecting God’s grace. This doesn’t mean tolerating ongoing harm but choosing to release resentment.
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Drama and Intrigue vs. Peace and Resolution
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Controllers often create chaos to divert attention from their actions. Believers are called to pursue peace, resolving conflicts through honest communication and seeking mutual understanding.
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++Living Out Ephesians 4:32 in the Face of Manipulation
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Set Boundaries: Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing yourself to be continually mistreated. Establish clear boundaries while maintaining a spirit of kindness.
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Stay Centered on Christ: When faced with manipulation, pray for discernment and lean on God’s wisdom.
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Refuse to Engage in Drama: Choose to step back rather than be drawn into emotional games. Peace is often found in refusing to participate in unnecessary conflict.
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Practice Empathy Without Enabling: Understand the brokenness behind manipulative behavior, but don’t excuse or tolerate it.
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Release Bitterness: Forgive as an act of obedience and freedom, entrusting justice to God.
By embodying the principles of Ephesians 4:32, you can navigate these challenges with strength and grace.
Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” This verse exemplifies the spirit of grace and compassion that believers are called to embody. True kindness involves understanding, empathy, and the willingness to forgive rather than harbor resentment. It stands in stark contrast to the manipulative behaviors often seen in power-driven relationships.
KEY BIG POINT:
When someone is committed to controlling others, kindness and tenderheartedness are often viewed as weaknesses to exploit. Rather than seeking mutual understanding, they may manipulate circumstances to maintain dominance. Genuine forgiveness, however, is not a submission to manipulation. It is a conscious choice to release bitterness while maintaining healthy boundaries.
CLOSING: The Nature of Controlling Relationships
When a person seeks peace, kindness, and reconciliation, they may find themselves entangled with individuals who operate through control, manipulation, or emotional dominance. This dynamic often stems from unresolved insecurities or a deep need for power. Control manifests in numerous ways:
- Silent Treatment and Withholding: Refusing to engage or express affection as a form of punishment.
- Power Plays: Creating a dynamic where the other person is forced to yield in order to restore peace.
- Emotional Manipulation: Using guilt, shame, or blame to manipulate behaviors.
- Cutting Off and Distancing: Abandoning the relationship without reasonable dialogue.
The Avoidance of Biblical Conflict Resolution
MAY BE THE MAIN, KEY POINT
These individuals often avoid following biblical principles of reconciliation. Galatians 6:1 states, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” Similarly, Matthew 18:15 instructs believers to “go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone.” However, manipulative individuals frequently bypass these principles.
Instead of seeking resolution, they prefer indirect control through avoidance, gossip, or attempts to damage reputations. Their unwillingness to engage in one-on-one conversation reveals a deeper desire to maintain power rather than pursue peace.
The Spirit of Control and Self-Pity
Often, manipulative behavior is rooted in unresolved self-pity and fear. Rather than acknowledging their own shortcomings, these individuals project blame onto others. They thrive on keeping others emotionally tethered through confusion and guilt. The constant need to win at any cost stems from a fear of vulnerability and a refusal to engage in honest reflection.
Their avoidance of confrontation ensures they are never held accountable. Unlike those who operate in humility and truth, they manipulate others through calculated silence, passive-aggressive behavior, and the withholding of affection. Whether in family, business, or personal relationships, this behavior is destructive and deeply unkind.
Recognizing the Spirit of Control
It is crucial to discern when a person is operating from a spirit of control rather than seeking authentic resolution. Jesus modeled a life of truth, grace, and peacemaking, but He did not yield to manipulative demands. Instead, He maintained boundaries and chose the path of obedience to God.
Galatians 5:1 reminds us, “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.”
“True freedom in Christ means living without the oppressive weight of someone else’s manipulative control.”
Responding with Wisdom and Boundaries
- Stay Rooted in Peace: Romans 12:18 says, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” Continue to model peace, but accept that some may reject it.
- Establish Boundaries: Proverbs 4:23 urges, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Boundaries protect your heart and mind from emotional manipulation.
- Refuse to Engage in Power Struggles: Like Jesus before Pilate (John 19:9-11), sometimes the most powerful response is remaining silent and not giving control over your emotions.
- Seek Support and Wise Counsel: Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 emphasizes the importance of supportive relationships. Find godly counsel and accountability to maintain strength.
- Pray for Healing: Pray for those who operate through control. Matthew 5:44 reminds us to “love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.”
Conclusion
While you may encounter people who are “for war” despite your peaceful intentions, remember that your worth and identity are not defined by their actions.
Continue to pursue peace, uphold boundaries, and trust God to bring healing and justice in His timing.
The call to reason together remains, but not all will accept it. In those moments, rest in the knowledge that God sees your heart and honors your pursuit of reconciliation.
To Avoid
Definitions and Meaning in Context, Includes Training
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Disrespected
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Definition: Treated with a lack of regard, consideration, or dignity. Disrespect dismisses someone’s worth, perspective, or contributions.
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Example: In leadership, disrespect can occur through gossip, false accusations, or refusing to follow legitimate guidance. In family or marriage, it often appears as condescension, dismissiveness, or rude behavior.
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Devalued
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Definition: Made to feel unworthy, unimportant, or insignificant. Devaluing involves disregarding a person’s worth or diminishing their achievements.
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Example: A spouse might devalue their partner by consistently ignoring accomplishments or making degrading comments. In business, this can manifest as being overlooked for promotions or having contributions dismissed.
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Demeaned
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Definition: Subjected to actions or words that degrade or belittle, damaging a person’s dignity and self-esteem.
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Example: Verbal insults, public humiliation, or malicious sarcasm can demean a person. In a ministry setting, false accusations or name-calling are ways this often plays out.
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Debased
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Definition: Reduced in moral or personal value. To debase someone is to strip away their dignity through humiliation or degrading treatment.
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Example: In toxic family dynamics, gaslighting or manipulation can debase someone, making them question their self-worth. In leadership, unethical treatment and character assassination may debase others.
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Damaged
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Definition: Having sustained emotional, psychological, or spiritual harm due to ongoing mistreatment, trauma, or neglect.
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Example: A person may become emotionally damaged after enduring long-term abuse or manipulation in a relationship. In business or ministry, workplace bullying or spiritual abuse can lead to lasting emotional scars.
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Defiled
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Definition: To be polluted, contaminated, or corrupted, often referring to moral or spiritual damage. Defilement can result from exposure to toxic behavior, manipulation, or immoral environments.
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Example: A controlling religious leader who distorts scripture for power may spiritually defile their followers. Similarly, enduring abuse can emotionally defile someone, leading to shame or confusion about their worth.
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Training: Application in Different Contexts
1. Leadership Context
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Disrespected: A leader who is undermined by gossip or rebellion.
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Devalued: When others refuse to acknowledge a leader’s contributions.
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Demeaned: Character assassination through false accusations.
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Debased: Attempts to humiliate and strip authority.
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Damaged: Emotional harm from enduring consistent attacks.
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Defiled: Spiritual contamination when unethical behavior spreads within the organization.
Response: A godly leader models integrity, forgives without tolerating abuse, and establishes clear boundaries. They follow biblical principles like Romans 12:18, seeking peace but also knowing when to walk away
2. Family Context
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Disrespected: Family members who ignore boundaries or belittle opinions.
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Devalued: Being excluded, overlooked, or treated as insignificant.
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Demeaned: Hurtful words and actions that attack dignity.
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Debased: Family gossip that spreads lies and damages reputations.
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Damaged: Long-term emotional wounds from parental neglect or sibling rivalry.
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Defiled: Growing up in a toxic environment can corrupt one’s self-worth.
Response: Practicing Ephesians 4:32 by extending grace and forgiveness is essential. However, establishing firm boundaries and pursuing counseling may be necessary for healing.
3. Marriage Context
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Disrespected: One spouse disregards the other’s feelings, opinions, or boundaries.
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Devalued: Lack of appreciation, ignoring needs, or failing to express love.
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Demeaned: Criticism, contempt, or humiliation.
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Debased: Infidelity or manipulation can strip the marriage of dignity.
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Damaged: Emotional and psychological wounds from toxic behavior.
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Defiled: Unresolved sin and betrayal can spiritually corrupt the relationship.
Response: Isaiah 1:18 encourages reasoning and reconciliation, but if one spouse refuses, separation for safety may be necessary. Restoration requires genuine repentance, accountability, and counseling
4. Business Context
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Disrespected: Colleagues spread rumors or undermine authority.
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Devalued: A supervisor refuses to recognize contributions.
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Demeaned: Workplace bullying or public humiliation.
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Debased: Corrupt leadership encourages unethical behavior.
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Damaged: Chronic workplace toxicity leads to burnout and mental health struggles.
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Defiled: Corruption in a workplace culture can morally defile employees.
Response: Romans 12:18 urges pursuing peace when possible. If the environment remains toxic, seeking alternative employment or legal support may be necessary.
Healing and Moving Forward
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Recognize the Damage: Acknowledge how you’ve been impacted.
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Set Boundaries: Protect your mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
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Seek Support: Counseling, support groups, or pastoral care can aid in healing.
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Practice Forgiveness: Ephesians 4:32 calls believers to forgive, not to excuse harm, but to release bitterness.
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Trust God for Justice: Psalm 120:7 reflects that even when others seek war, God sees and will bring justice.
Ultimately, walking in peace while refusing to tolerate ongoing harm is a biblical balance. Letting God lead your response ensures you maintain dignity and spiritual integrity.
Any Questions: Sister Taveau crossbodyunity@gmail.com
(C)2025 Taveau D’Arcy All copyrights reserved under international copyright laws, in conjunction with AI
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